The value of time

I was asked this morning, what I would be getting my children for the 'silly season.'

The truth of the matter is that I hadn't given it too much thought, mainly because it's still November but also because I don't want to think about it.

My reticence is born partly of a desire not to buy into the commerciality of the process, of adding to the volume of 'stuff' in our lives but also because I again find myself borrowing from the 'Victorian' school of parenting and am running the gauntlet of judging and judgement.

Presents are great, I love a good well thought out present as much as the next person. I am not proposing we should all turn into the Grinch or Scrooge and move away from all things gift like. But for a moment let's acknowledge the world has moved on, and while in the 1940's 50's and 60's a gift of chocolate or a toy was a novelty for children, in 2016 those things are readily available and our children are arguably exposed to too much.

So, maybe it's time to reframe what is most important to us and work out how we 'gift' that. For many of us, the most valuable commodity we have is our 'time,' and the challenge for this blog is therefore how do we 'gift' our time.

Add up today, this week, this month or this year how much 'time' you have spent with those people you would choose to buy gifts for and then look at the 'type' of time that is. Is that time made up of functional activity- lift to and from school, or pleasurable activity and what would you choose to do differently?

And so instead of spending time thinking about what to buy our families and friends let's think about what a gift of time could be for them.

Think about what they enjoy doing and help make that happen.
Think about when you had the most fun together or what makes you both laugh.
Think about what you could do for them to make their life easier.
Think about the value of a conversation or a silence spent together.

And then turn that into a 'gift.'

• Vouchers for babysitting.
• Help with 'stuff'- I will cook you dinner vouchers. I will help you with your gardening. I will set up your online shopping account or whatever is most useful.
• An afternoon of fun together- at the beach/ walking the dogs/ a bush walk/ a bike ride.
• A trip down memory lane- organise a get together where you bring all of your old photos of each other and spend the evening reminiscing. 
• A day off school/work with your family spend doing 'nothing' but fun

And in the 'true' spirit of giving back let's think about how we can give some of our time to our community. It doesn't have to be a huge commitment. Think 'bigger than me.'

• Pick up any rubbish on your walk around the park. 
• Pop in and have a chat with your elderly neighbour. 
• Offer an hour's help to a local organisation or charity- even better do that with someone you want to spend more time with

Enjoy the festive crazy.... and your gifts of time whatever they look like.. and if you get the odd wrapped gift... enjoy those too.

The value of time

I was asked this morning, what I would be getting my children for the 'silly season.'

The truth of the matter is that I hadn't given it too much thought, mainly because it's still November but also because I don't want to think about it.

My reticence is born partly of a desire not to buy into the commerciality of the process, of adding to the volume of 'stuff' in our lives but also because I again find myself borrowing from the 'Victorian' school of parenting and am running the gauntlet of judging and judgement.

Presents are great, I love a good well thought out present as much as the next person. I am not proposing we should all turn into the Grinch or Scrooge and ban all things fun and gift like. But for a moment let's acknowledge the world has moved on and while in the 1940's 50's and 60's a gift of chocolate or a small toy was a novelty for children, in 2016 those things are readily available and our children are arguably exposed to too much.

So, maybe it's time to reframe what is most important to us and work out how we 'gift' that. For many of us, the most valuable commodity we have is our 'time,' and the challenge is therefore how do we 'gift' our time.

Add up today, this week, this month or this year how much 'time' you have spent with those people you would choose to buy gifts for and then look at the 'type' of time that is. Is that time made up of functional activity- lift to and from school, or pleasurable activity?

And so instead of spending time thinking about what to buy our families and friends let's think about what a valuable gift of time could be for them.

Think about what they enjoy doing and help make that happen.
Think about when you had the most fun together or what makes you both laugh.
Think about what you could do for them to make their life easier.

And then turn that into a 'gift.'

• Vouchers for babysitting.
• Help with 'stuff'- I will cook you dinner vouchers. I will help you with your gardening. I will set up your online shopping account or whatever is most useful.
• An afternoon of fun together- at the beach/ walking the dogs/ a bush walk/ a bike ride.
• A trip down memory lane- organise a get together where you bring all of your old photos of each other and spend the evening reminiscing. 
• A day off school/work with your family spend doing 'nothing' but fun

And in the 'true' spirit of giving back let's think about how we can give some of our time to our community. It doesn't have to be a huge commitment.

• Pick up any rubbish on your walk around the park. 
• Pop in and have a chat with your elderly neighbour. 
• Offer a hours help to a local organisation or charity- even better do that with someone you want to spend more time with

Enjoy the festive crazy.... and your gifts of time.

Is independently getting to school really so dangerous???

It's been a while I know... and what brought me back was a conversation I had this morning, with several parents, about children travelling on public transport and walking to school....

I clearly missed the memo which said it was unwise, and unsafe to let  a child use a bus, train or their feet to get to school. In fact I was quite shocked about the conversation and so have done some reading. It seems (according to the 'West') parents in WA are far more uncomfortable than our European and British counterparts at letting our children independently get to school.

Why??????? What is it about how we perceive our city and transport system which makes us so? Is Perth really more dangerous than London or Paris? Are our trains so inefficient we risk our child being stranded? Or are we simply worried the physical world is somehow fraught with danger?

Dangerous, predatory people exist, they always have and always will, some of them will even catch buses and trains, shop at supermarkets, drive white vans and go to swimming pools, and in all of those places they have a physical presence. Fortunately in those locations they are usually outnumbered by reasonable, rational humans like ourselves who are merely using the facilities. 

The benefit of being in a physical environment is we have more to work with- we can see how old the person is, we can judge body language, develop a sense of what is and is not safe and we can act accordingly. It is vitally important children learn the skills to judge situations as safe or unsafe and make sensible choices: from the enormous tree they are about to climb or the car they are about to get in with the drunk driver. 

Independently getting to school has given my children a huge range of benefits: friendships; exercise; community engagement; resilience and problem solving to name a few... 

For me the online world is fraught with more danger for children than the physical. Those same predatory people exist, except now they can be 13 or 75, male or female and those interactive human cues which help keep us safe are gone. They can post photos of themselves in manner akin to taking out an advert on the main billboard in Time Square; they can write and be written about in a way no face to face communication would allow and they can inadvertently leave an online memory which may come back to haunt them. Seemingly, however, this is all ok because they get to do that from the 'physical' safety of their own homes....

It is time to rethink how we view our physical world and how we limit our children's access to it. They need to experience more, not less of it, so that's: climbing trees; falling down and off things; skipping, hopping, and jumping in mud; balancing on walls; swinging upside down; wrestling..... and... YES... walking, riding, scooting or bussing to school......

Finally the homework debate hots up!!

It is one of my pet peeves..... so I can't help but comment on the debate which seems to be finally gathering some momentum in Perth.... the following comments refer to the majority of homework (some educators do it well) and homework within the primary and early secondary years...

Homework sucks...... (on the whole!) and yes in my humble opinion it should be removed as a blanket approach to ... well what? A ridiculous perception that it might make our children 'do better'- at worksheets maybe... and that doing more younger will help them become more ....well what????!!!

I am not against a rigorous curriculum or against our children being challenged and extended but could we please ask that qualified educators who are trained to do such things do it in the confines of the school day.... and if the school day simply doesn't fit in what we require our emerging brains to know then maybe like the French we need to consider modifying that!! Parents and siblings are not and should not be expected to be educators, they have a very important job in being parents and siblings to attend to!

Homework (on the whole) is mind numbingly tedious, promotes inequality and cannot and should not be used to measure a child's ability or to grade them because it is frequently done by parents or older siblings. And what's more it has short and long term impact on individuals and families....

Unless approached in a targeted and thoughtful manner in the short term, homework becomes a source of frustration and even distress for both parents and children- in the long term the impact can be far more severe- it can put us off learning... and the younger we do it the more chance we have of being turned off.. We should nurture a love of learning not turn it into a torture...

It disempowers children because it tells them what they 'have' to learn about rather than what they want to know. Children have a natural curiosity and will 'investigate' the world around them without the need of a project. Imagine forcing Chopin or Motzart to do a worksheet on the life cycle of a butterfly at the expense of their music. Children should be encouraged to learn about whatever they choose fit in their time outside of school... who knows what the next big thing is? A child might be working on it right now in a pile of dirt in the backyard.

Homework also interrupts valuable family time, doing chores, children's social interaction, playing outside and... well ... being a child.... It frequently results in children going to bed far later than they should... so they can start the next day tired and learn less at school....

But for me the biggest impact I see in my coachees as adults is an inability to draw the line between work and home. We are programmed from a very early age to take work home, and we continue to do that into adulthood. This learned behaviour is damaging to work- life balance, relationships and at it's most extreme our own health. Doing your day job at home is not 'normal' and should not be seen as such for either children or adults. As a nation we are amongst the most guilty of long working hours and it starts when we are young.

Ask yourselves how often you bring work home? How do you feel about the work, is it something you 'just do' because you 'have to'? Do you resent the time it takes up? Are you patterned to think that it is the norm?

Wouldn't you rather be spending time on something you enjoyed or with people you enjoy spending time with, relaxing, playing a sport, getting some exercise, using one of those million cookbooks you never have time to look at?

And then ask yourself if this is something you can afford to continue? If the answer is no and you are unsure where to start drop me a line....

And for those of you who are parents ask yourself if you want this for your children- I certainly don't.... and the good news is you don't have to allow it... again if you are not sure where to start or lack the confidence to make the changes, drop me a line....

For me I am pleased the debate is finally here.... it is time to challenge what we have accepted for so long and to get back our life balance for both our children and ourselves...

A well worn path

 My challenge for the here and now is to take note of 3 things as you go about your day to day activities. Things you see everyday but pay no attention to: a beautiful set of stairs travelled up and down by generations of people all set about their own day to day; a century old tree who has cast shade on your route for decades; or a children's book which sits on the bookcase now collecting dust...and when you notice them think about the value they give/ have given to you...

It is incredible to think that in each day we follow the same path, be that on foot, in the car or through habit but often fail to appreciate the very things that make the path smoother....

For those of you who like an even greater challenge pick a significant person... and notice some of the 'overlooked' traits they possess.... think about how those traits positively impact on your journey.... and if you are feeling really brave you could even tell them... go on.... it won't hurt that much...

Actively or passively busy...

Being actively busy is my excuse for not being on here for ages and ages.. but what does that mean and how do we reconcile the choices facing us when we get 'busy'?

For many of my coachees the challenge is feeling comfortable with our existence when we 'fail' to maintain our very high standards and let something slip?? Or when we take on more than we should and find ourselves not keeping in touch with friends who we would love to catch up with; missing out on down time with our partners/children, giving up our hobbies and leisure or not exercising.

The crucial part is the process involved in the decision. Are you actively or passively allowing your time to be managed and how much priority do you give to some of those areas?

Passive busy is where we have simply not bothered to consider what we are giving up as we are swept away on a raft of busy, drawn in by a perceived need to keep doing. Or we have not learned the skills to prioritise ourselves and end up responding to everyone else's needs.

Active busy is no less busy than passive busy but we are in control of the where, how and what. We get to make a decision to put aside somethings so we can challenge yourself in otherways, we decide that with our remaining time in the week we will focus on exercising rather than going out for dinner.

It is always more challenging when we are making decisions about people, not catching up with that friend or asking our children to do one less activity so there is a sense of family harmony. However, the reality is that it is more enjoyable and more real if when we do catch up with our friends it is at a time when we can be present, and real friends will understand the pressures of your life- if you are in control of it. And our families... well we also get to make the choices there, we are after all the responsible ones!!

So try it, look at what you are doing and ask yourself what is in control the busy or you???? If it is 'the busy' then make a small decision to change something and please let me know how you go.... talk to me..

And for me... my choice was active sport over blogging but having sustained an injury I can get back to this!!!!

The here and now.... living in it

I am currently reading a book about presence... being present in the here and now and transcending our physical being into our spiritual being through retreats and other such malarky!!! What a waste of paper... I feel guilty about the tree which created this book!!!

Unfortunately (or fortunately) most of us cannot afford the time and or cash to head out on a month long retreat to find our inner selves and to be honest the experience may fill our souls with wonder but it is short lived when we return to our here and now and general lives.....

It is more important to find 'presence' in our existing lives.... our realities rather than head off into the ether to discover it...

If you suffer from living in the future, constantly striving... making no time for yourself in the now.... please consider the following time effective but real ways to wake up to the now....

• sit for 2 mins and focus on your breathing or your heart rate- nothing else- and if thoughts come into your head tell them you will deal with them in 2 mins...
• Go for a walk without head phones and actively look at the surroundings, the trees, houses, grass, listen to the noises, birds, traffic, feel the breeze as it passes over your skin
• sit and watch ants for 2 mins as they scurry about their day... imagine what it woudl be like being an ant
• every hour stand up from your desk and stretch up as tall as you can.... feel your fingers extend to the ceiling and ground your feet on the floor... if you want add a mantra (something like... I am most enjoying x y or z about today.... I feel x y or z at this moment in time- don't worry if you feel angry/ upset or disappointed.. these are real feelings and acknowledging them is important)

And for the really brave!!! 

Select a day where you don't have any plans and keep it completely free..... (no job list!!!)

When you wake up (naturally- no clocks) ask yourself what you feel like doing- and actually listen to what you say.... if it is nothing.... do nothing until you feel like doing something..... and when you have done that thing... ask yourself what you would like to do next....

Go on... try it.... what do you have to lose???? And as always let me know how you get on...