From Clutter to Clarity

Being actively busy is my excuse for not being on here for ages, but what does that mean and how do we reconcile the choices facing us when we get 'busy'? For many of my coachees the challenge is feeling comfortable with our existence when we 'fail' to maintain our very high standards and let something slip? Or when we take on more than we should and find ourselves not keeping in touch with friends who we would love to catch up with; missing out on down time with our partners/children, giving up our hobbies and leisure or not exercising. The crucial part is the process involved in the decision. Are you actively or passively allowing your time to be managed and how much priority do you give to some of those areas? Passive busy is where we have simply not bothered to consider what we are giving up as we are swept away on a raft of busy, drawn in by a perceived need to keep doing. Or we have not learned the skills to prioritise ourselves and en...

I am currently reading a book about presence... being present in the here and now and transcending our physical being into our spiritual being through retreats and other such malarky! What a waste of paper, I feel guilty about the tree which created this book! Unfortunately (or fortunately) most of us cannot afford the time and or cash to head out on a month long retreat to find our inner selves and to be honest the experience may fill our souls with wonder but it is short lived when we return to our here and now and our general lives. It is more important to find 'presence' in our existing lives, our realities rather than head off into the ether to discover it. If you suffer from living in the future, constantly striving, making no time for yourself in the now, please consider the following time effective but real ways to wake up to the now. Sit for 2 mins and focus on your breathing or your heart rate- nothing else- and if thoughts come into your head tell them yo...

Being curious is one of the most effective ways for us to engage with other human beings as well as the world. Curiosity opens up a world of opportunities, it allows us to explore something physical or intellectual in new and novel ways, and discover new, interesting and innovative ways of doing things. Curiosity can engage all or any one of our senses. Curiosity allows us to listen to another person without judging them and to consider another point of view. It allows us to use our ears twice as much as our mouths and therefore to learn more about the world we are in than we already know about it. Without curiosity our world would be a very dull place. And yet, we rarely adopt a stance of curiosity preferring to share with the world our existing knowledge, our existing views, use our existing familiar perimeter. This may seem scary but not quite so scary as not letting allowing curiosity, especially for children.  Letting them find and discover on their own, in the d...

After some feedback re my 'real conversation' blog I have decided to issue a further communication challenge to anyone reading this. It again relies on a rapidly declining skill and challenges us to put ourselves out there a little more than an email or text message. It doesn't allow us to hide behind abbreviations or symbols, it is an 'old fashioned' letter. And the purpose of the letter, this time, is to tell someone something about what they mean to you or have done for you. Letters were once the only means of distant communication and were frequently kept and reread as a source of comfort and joy, so whether you chose to pen a thank you note, a love letter, or an outline of what someone means to you, know that you are taking a huge step further than sending a text message or email. Letters have a physicality to them, a handwritten letter the added dimension that time, thought and effort has gone into it, no cutting and pasting available and if the lette...

An article in our local rag interested me this morning. It was about a UN study which argues that we are giving our children too many toys to compensate for not spending time with them, because 'we are too busy.' The most disturbing part about it, was that the children when asked what they wanted most, replied 'more family time.' Our children it would appear 'get' it while we adults appear to have 'lost the plot' at least that is what the article suggested. And as always when I read something interesting, I start applying it to my world and that of my coachees, so out of interest what do we think about the following questions. 1) How many 'toys' (and not just children's toys here) do you have in your home now compared to the home you grew up in, and did you as a child feel deprived? 2) How many 'activities' or 'adventures' have you been on in the last month? (don't include organised regular activities) 3) When y...

I am reading a particularly interesting book at the moment... Talent is Overrated by Geoff Colvin and although I am still to be convinced by some of the argument, the book did get me thinking about how we practice and what we practice. In particular I started thinking about a topic which has come up and awful lot this week, communication. Why is it that we usually wait until communication breaks down before we do something about it? But instead what if we decided to proactively practice our communication. So, I am going to pick a frequently discussed coaching topic "real conversations' v' 'talking' and challenge anyone out there who reads this to do the following exercise with their family, whatever it's shape, size and dynamic. Your challenge is to sit together in a room for more than 30 mins and have a 'real' conversation, that is a conversation where you learn something about someone else in the room, about what they think or believe. A...

All of us have them, but how often do we challenge their usefulness?  Routines allow us to do things quickly and efficiently, make us feel comfortable with our environment and existence and generally take us through life, but what happens when a routine becomes a barrier to change? We allow our habits and routines to prevent us from making a different choice, from trying something new, from changing, from losing weight, from exercising more, from (fill in your own blank here). So as Spring approaches (Autumn in the Northern hemisphere) it is time to clean out those habits- or at least challenge them and to think through your routine and decide which bits are helpful and which are not. I will be swapping my habitual pre work coffee in front of the computer for 10 mins of meditation. Although the coffee is lovely I don't need that extra 10 mins in front of the computer- the jobs will still get done, and I don't seem to be able to find the time to meditate, and 10mins ...